The deck of the Cape Rouge, Port of Fandom, Sunday evening

[betterthanaplan]

Whelp, another Parents Weekend had gone by, and for once, Duke hadn't had any guests arrive, surprise- or no. And for all that talking to Octavia about the disappointment of that had been meant to help him push past that feeling -- that was how this was supposed to work, right? -- he still found himself staring moodily out at the water by Sunday evening, watching the light of the sunset scatter across the swells and waves.

It was beautiful. Even after all his talk today with Linda about emotions and how little control people actually had over them, he was kind of annoyed at himself that he wasn't more in the mood to appreciate that fact, right now.

[expecting one!]

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[betterthanaplan]

"What decided it for you?" Duke asked. "That you'd rather be here with us instead of back there with Chloe?"

[my_own_advocate]

"Honestly, when I thought I didn't have the capacity for love, it... suddenly seemed like a practical thing," Lucifer said. "Because at least I was already giving the two of you all I could. If there wasn't any difference in my feelings between you and her, then... sticking with the people I had already made a commitment to seemed fair. Then, in the Silver City, I realized I could love, and..."

He brought up his wine and took a sip. He looked thoughtful.

Or like he was getting his thoughts in order.

[betterthanaplan]

Duke bit his lip to keep silent as he waited, sticking with just giving Lucifer a gentle squeeze.

[my_own_advocate]

"When I gave her my ring, I... realized I am the person she made me," Lucifer said slowly. "And, a moment later, that I built the person you made me on top of that. That I've... grown, and while I still love her, she..."

He stared at the water.

"The two of you gave me a home and never closed the door in my face," he said. "You made space for me at every turn. I feel safe here in a way I've never felt before. And... you remember what we talked about? The white picket fences?"

[betterthanaplan]

"That they're her idea of a good life. Not yours."

[my_own_advocate]

"I still like to think I could have lived her life," Lucifer said.

He didn't lie, after all.

"But I know I'm happy living yours," he said. He wasn't looking at Duke, but he smiled gently to himself. "Watching you potter around the ship, always trying to make home just a bit better, insisting on finding ways to live with all the pests that made your boat their home, too. Singing songs and making dinner with you and letting you drag me out oystering and you getting that absolutely bonkers look on your face like it's the best thing you've ever done, right before you slurp down a raw one."

Sorry, Duke. He loved you a lot.

[betterthanaplan]

Duke chuckled. "So you love it when I horrify you on purpose," he said. "That's good to know."

[my_own_advocate]

Lucifer sighed loudly.

"My point is," he said, "I realized I had a good thing. Something I could be happy with for good."

[betterthanaplan]

"Good," Duke said. "Because I'm happy with your fancy clothes. Your hatred of plaid. The way you make any space you're in your own."

He leaned in to kiss Lucifer on the cheek.

"Your refusal to deny yourself the things that make you happy, at least when you're not being swallowed up by your insecurities."

[my_own_advocate]

Lucifer smiled, leaning further into him. "I do still love her," he said. "But I had to make a choice, putting it off just... made me more miserable. Now that I have, I'm at peace with it." He took a breath. "With you. And your plaid."

[betterthanaplan]

"Well, everyone has flaws," Duke said. ". . . I still love Audrey and Nathan. But I'd much rather be here, too."

He just wanted to know they were out there somewhere being them.

[my_own_advocate]

"And that's all we need to know," Lucifer murmured. "As Linda keeps reminding me, trying to control other people's feelings is useless."

Not that it had ever stopped Lucifer from trying to shout them into compliance, but, well. Baby steps.

[betterthanaplan]

"And what they feel isn't your fault," Duke agreed.

Not that that stopped him from trying to take the blame.

[my_own_advocate]

"Exactly."

He turned his head and pressed a kiss against Duke's cheek.

"I don't like your friends," Lucifer said, "But you're still allowed to miss them. And I'll do whatever I can to help you feel a bit better, when I can."

[betterthanaplan]

"It's funny," Duke said. "I'm not sure you'd hate her so much if you did meet her." He shook his head. "But it's starting to feel like we'll never know."

[my_own_advocate]

"You don't know that," Lucifer said. His hand slid up and settled on Duke's shoulder. "She may well still be alive."

[betterthanaplan]

"Yeah. And she may have no idea who I am even if we find her again."

[my_own_advocate]

"One step at a time," Lucifer said.

He set his glass down on the bulwark.

"C'mere," he said, reaching for Duke with his other arm to pull him into a full hug.

[betterthanaplan]

Duke took another quick sip of his wine before he set his down next to Lucifer's and turned into the other man.

"You two are making me so huggy," he teased, trying to cover for how much Lucifer's arms around him meant to him.

[my_own_advocate]

"You were always huggy," Lucifer informed him. Hugging him tight. "Most people you used to know were just arseholes."

Like he hadn't only recently become comfortable with hugs, himself.

[betterthanaplan]

"Can't argue with the asshole assessment," Duke said. and fairly melted against Lucifer's chest, burrowing his nose into Lucifer's neck.

[my_own_advocate]

Lucifer let out a warm, soft huff. Something equally warm - fond, really - blossomed in his chest. He didn't know why, but he liked it.

"Good," he managed uselessly, and smiled, and melted in his own way.

[betterthanaplan]

Duke leaned into him, feeling warm and cozy and . . . and loved.

“How’s it always so much easier with you?”

[my_own_advocate]

Lucifer's eyes slid back open in abject confusion. Not that Duke could see it. "Is it?"

[betterthanaplan]

“You’re not all full of land mines,” Duke said. “I mean, yeah, sometimes we’re definitely not on the same page, but I feel like if I don’t move exactly right with Tavi I blow it all up.”