Lucifer's Mansion, late Wednesday night

[betterthanaplan]

It took Duke awhile to get really properly trashed -- another sign that maybe he needed to pull back on the casual drinking -- but once he was properly wobbly, he decided to lean into the impulse he'd had at the Devil's Nest tonight and show up drunk on Lucifer's doorstep.

He had a large glass of rum with him in one hand and a bottle of brandy tucked under the other arm. He set the rum down with great drunken ceremony and dignity at the end of Lucifer's front walk for the squirrels -- he really didn't need to be having anymore public meltdowns over this, thanks -- and then sprawled himself down onto Lucifer's front stoop.

And, because he was in fact a drunken sailor and it seemed thematic, he started to sing.

"Eliiiiiiise believe I never wanted this
I thought this time I'd keep all of my promises!"

He maybe should have put out more rum.

[For the one who lives here, and NFB please!]

Comments

[my_own_advocate]

"I never said everything I liked was classy," Lucifer said, amused. "I just don't see the point in being embarrassed about wanting something. Waste of time and energy I could be spending eating or drinking or fucking or watching whatever it is."

[betterthanaplan]

"You're not playing this right," Duke said with a sigh. "Fine, what's the least classy thing you're perfectly happy to admit to liking?"

[my_own_advocate]

"Sometimes I like to binge on ice cream and police procedurals?" Lucifer offered. "And once I got inexplicably sidetracked by one of those horrid Real Housewives shows."

He was pretty sure he'd been on drugs at the time.

Somewhere in thinking about that, he stopped paying attention to what his hands were doing and his fingers wound up back in Duke's hair.

[betterthanaplan]

Duke melted all over again, his eyes sliding closed again.

"Oh man," he said, distracted. "Yeah, those are super trashy."

[my_own_advocate]

"Your turn," Lucifer said idly. "Truth or dare?"

[betterthanaplan]

“Dare,” Duke said with a smile. “But I get to change my mind if the date involves getting up.”

[my_own_advocate]

"Honestly, what's the point of dares in this game when you can barely move?" Lucifer wondered. "Hm. I dare you to sing something from your youth. Best if it's bawdy."

[betterthanaplan]

They had phones! The whole internet of stupid dares was at their fingertips.

Duke laughed. And immediately launched into Why Don’t We Get Drunk and Screw.

[my_own_advocate]

That sounded like a level of effort Lucifer was not willing to go to, all right?

... Either way, he was caught somewhere between laughing and extremely appalled.

"Jimmy bloody Buffett, Duke?"

[betterthanaplan]

“What?” Duke beamed. “I’m literally the son of a son of a sailor.”

Actually, Roy Crocker had been a bartender. But close enough.

[my_own_advocate]

"Did you make it your mission in life to embody every possible nautical cliche?" Lucifer asked.

[betterthanaplan]

“Hey now,” Duke said, still smiling. “I’ll have you know I have never had scurvy.”

[my_own_advocate]

Lucifer rolled his eyes. "I'm sure it's only a matter of time," he said, patting Duke on the shoulder.

[betterthanaplan]

“Bite your tongue!” Duke said. “You know it’s a form of malnutrition, right?”

Duke had made it a life’s mission to always eat as well as possible.

[my_own_advocate]

"Yes, and you get very touchy about the scurvy thing," Lucifer said, half-eyeroll and half-fond. "I know you eat your apple a day, I've seen you cook. I also know that's not why sailors got scurvy."

[betterthanaplan]

He got touchy about a lot of what he’d had to struggle with as a child, yeah.

“Then tell me,” Duke said. “I truth-or-dare you.”

[my_own_advocate]

Lucifer snorted.

"Since you insisted I was being a coward last time, dare."

[betterthanaplan]

Duke had meant for Lucifer to tell him why sailors got scurvy, but he was drunk enough to just roll with the change of subject.

“I dare you,” he said slowly, looking around the room. “To record yourself singing the absolute silliest song you know and send it to Miss Lopez.”

[my_own_advocate]

Yes, well. Maybe Lucifer wasn't at his most focused right now, with all the languid draping happening right now.

"Oh, she'd love that, too," Lucifer sighed, but he obligingly ferreted out his phone and turned on the selfie camera.

Miss Lopez probably wouldn't send him messages inquiring about why he had a man in his lap. Probably. "Right, the silliest song I know..."

Look, he knew a lot of songs. A lot.

[betterthanaplan]

A man she'd met, even!

"I'm really looking forward to this," Duke told him, grin still firmly in place.

[my_own_advocate]

"I know a great deal of silly songs," Lucifer settled on, "but I'll go with something more contemporary for my audience."

And a bit inspired by Duke's performance just now.

He cleared his throat.

"Dear sir I write this note to you to tell ya of me plight, and at the time of writing, I am not a pretty sight..."

It was long.

[betterthanaplan]

And interspersed with Duke's drunken snickering throughout. And occasional attempts to conduct.

Ella was going to love it.

[my_own_advocate]

"And I can only say," Lucifer concluded loudly, " That I hope you'll understand why Paddy's not at work today!"

[betterthanaplan]

Duke cheered and applauded. "Bravo! That was beautiful! Now send it!"

[my_own_advocate]

"What, are you afraid I'll weasel out of your dare?" Lucifer huffed, stopped the recording, and sent it.