The galley of the Cape Rouge, Thursday evening

[betterthanaplan]

Duke had had some time since his last therapist appointment to start slowly processing what his therapist had said. Specifically what the man had said about what he believed was the foundation of Duke's issues. A diagnosis if you will.

Which Duke had finally made time to look up and read about after getting home from the diner. And mull over over a cup of tea.

Sure, it wasn't the first time someone had suggested that he had PTSD. He'd kind of just assumed he had that, by now. But C-PTSD. The complex version. The one most associated with survivors of hostage situations or child abuse.

He sipped his tea and stared into space. And wished it didn't make as much sense to him as it did. Wished he didn't check off quite as many of the usual symptoms as he did.

"Fuck."

[for the partners if they wanna]

Comments

[my_own_advocate]

"Fuck?" Lucifer called, inquisitively, as he slipped back out of his closet-room and into the hallway.

[betterthanaplan]

Duke huffed softly. It was like a summoning spell!

"Just, uh. Doing some research."

Somatization. Depersonalization.

Yep, he identified with way too much of this.

[my_own_advocate]

Oh great. Now Lucifer was concerned, and he looked the part as he entered the galley.

"... About something that will bite us in the arse at the nearest convenience?

[betterthanaplan]

"Something that already has," Duke said. "My fucked up brain."

[my_own_advocate]

"Ah," Lucifer said. He sank down into a seat by Duke. "Therapy?"

[betterthanaplan]

"Therapy," Duke agreed. "Dr. Shin gave me a diagnosis." He set his phone down, the wiki for C-PTSD still open on the screen. "And it's complex."

[my_own_advocate]

"Ah," Lucifer said again, squinting at Duke's phone. "That sounds... complicated?"

[betterthanaplan]

"No, complex," Duke said with a snort. Was inappropriate humor a symptom? . . . No. Well, at least he had that.

[my_own_advocate]

"... So what does that mean?"

[betterthanaplan]

"That Mom and Dad -- and Haven -- fucked me up but good," Duke said with a sigh. "Apparently it's PTSD so bad it actually warps your personality. Comes with misdirected anger outbursts, avoidant tendencies, anxiety, depression. . . ."

Sounding familiar yet, Luce?

[my_own_advocate]

Well, wasn't that everybody?

"Isn't that most humans?" Lucifer asked quizzically.

[betterthanaplan]

"I'm guessing no, since, uh. They went ahead and gave it an acronym." Duke shook his head. "I can't decide if it's a relief to know it's a thing or if I'm mad. Because it's a thing. That makes me sound like a crazy person."

Dr. Shin did not approve of that word, Duke!

[my_own_advocate]

"I mean technically it's merely labeling the kind of crazy that you have had almost your entire life, by the sounds of it," Lucifer offered. "And Linda prefers not to use the word 'crazy' at all."

[betterthanaplan]

Duke sighed. "So does Dr. Shin," he admitted. "Who looks weirdly like the guy who used to work at the fire station?"

He shook his head. Check out that avoidant tendency at work, going off topic!

"Uh. Anyway. It's . . . nice to have a reason for things, I guess."

[my_own_advocate]

Lucifer was beginning to wish he'd brought a snack. "Right, so how do you fix... complex whatever it is?" he inquired.

Linda would love to know.

[betterthanaplan]

"Um." Duke scrolled through the site. ". . . Establish safety, mourn your losses, and reconnect with your community. For safety it says 'this stage might involve the need for major life changes for some patients.'" He wrinkled his nose. "I'm guessing Haven's tendency to, you know, kidnap me might make that extra hard."

[my_own_advocate]

"Major life change: no more Haven," Lucifer said. "I could live with that."

[betterthanaplan]

"So could I," Duke said. "Doesn't mean I'm willing to bet on it."

No, really, it was very hard to feel completely safe when he'd literally woken up in Haven without warning.

[my_own_advocate]

Lucifer sighed. "So essentially what your therapist has uncovered is that we need Haven to stop kidnapping you all the time so you can feel safe and process all of this," he said. "Not exactly a surprise."

[okteiviakom]

Octavia had been out. Not in the woods, not when it was already evening and she couldn't feel entirely in control of what she was touching at any given moment. Instead, she'd walked along the beaches, staying near the water.

And now she was back. Shrugging off her jacket as soon as she was in, then kicking off her boots, calling oput a general, "I'm home!" as she did.

[betterthanaplan]

"No," Duke agreed. "It's just. It weirds me out that it has a name."

[betterthanaplan]

"Hi, Home, I'm insane."

Duke. A dad joke and a pejorative? Maybe ease back a little.

[okteiviakom]

Well. It was a great way to make sure Octavia was giving him a very confused look as she padded her way into the galley.

"... What?"

[my_own_advocate]

"Mm," Lucifer said. "A diagnosis."

Funnily enough, Linda had always resisted giving him one, for some reason.

He reached for Duke's arm, settling his hand on Duke's wrist.

[betterthanaplan]

"I'm crazy. Bonkers. An absolute nutso." Duke, stop. "Dr. Shin figured out what's wrong with me."