The galley of the Cape Rouge, Thursday evening

[betterthanaplan]

Duke had had some time since his last therapist appointment to start slowly processing what his therapist had said. Specifically what the man had said about what he believed was the foundation of Duke's issues. A diagnosis if you will.

Which Duke had finally made time to look up and read about after getting home from the diner. And mull over over a cup of tea.

Sure, it wasn't the first time someone had suggested that he had PTSD. He'd kind of just assumed he had that, by now. But C-PTSD. The complex version. The one most associated with survivors of hostage situations or child abuse.

He sipped his tea and stared into space. And wished it didn't make as much sense to him as it did. Wished he didn't check off quite as many of the usual symptoms as he did.

"Fuck."

[for the partners if they wanna]

Comments

[my_own_advocate]

"We want you to be a part of this," Lucifer said quietly. "It's just-- do you know how the ropes make you feel? It's not just about sex, is it?"

[betterthanaplan]

“It makes me feel safe in a way I haven’t before,” Duke said. “When I told her that . . . she told me I needed more therapy.”

Which, well. At least he’d found Dr. Shin after that.

[my_own_advocate]

"Well, I'm sorry about that."

Lucifer leaned back, trying to get to his initial point.

"On date nights, Octavia and I seek out that safe spot for her," he said. "It's rarely the same. Sometimes she craves control. Other times, to be humiliated. Or to be made... Small. We're always searching for the right... Vibe."

He looked at Duke. "Your needs, now we've found them, are delightfully uncomplicated in comparison," he said. "Not that I think Octavia's are a burden, but... It's... Fulfilling. For me. To know I can provide that."

[betterthanaplan]

“I’m glad. It’s been really good for me, too.” Duke flicked him a timy, tired, but warm smile, then sighed. “I tried to ask her. What makes her feel safe. She seemed insulted by the implication that she didn’t already.” He rubbed his face. “I try to anticipate her needs and she freezes up. Because I’m running over her feelings. So I try to ask and she freaks out about that too. Says she doesn’t want to talk. It’s like I hurt her once so now she holds me at arms length—but refuses to let me go. And I don’t know what to do and I get so frustrated and I explode.”

[my_own_advocate]

"She wants to talk to you, Duke," Lucifer said. Looking at his face again. "But unfortunately the one way you two are similar is that you need time to find the right words."

[betterthanaplan]

“I hope it’s that. I really do.” Duke looked at Lucifer in return. “I’m just having a little trouble believing it.” He sat back. “We really have been making progress, though. Neither of us has walked out. We try to end things on a nice note, not let things fester.”

[my_own_advocate]

"Do you want advice?" Lucifer asked. Still watching him.

[betterthanaplan]

Another little smile. “Thank you,” Duke said. “But, uh. No. That maybe isn’t a good idea right now. I’m just. Glad you’re listening.”

[my_own_advocate]

"Well, I'm here if you change your mind," Lucifer said easily. "I'm also here for questions, if you have them. I can't go too deeply into the weeds, but I can tell you more."

[betterthanaplan]

“Thanks,” Duke said again, finally starting to relax a bit. “I will probably have several. Especially after some time on my own.”

[my_own_advocate]

"Just be careful out there, all right?"

Lucifer's voice had definitely softened now.

[betterthanaplan]

“I will,” Duke promised. “I have no intention of not kissing the shit out of you two when I get to the Bahamas.”

[my_own_advocate]

"Good."

A brief silence.

Then: "Duke?"

[betterthanaplan]

Duke tilted his head. “Yeah?”

[my_own_advocate]

"I want you to know that I know I can be overbearing and rush off to fix things when that might not be what you need," Lucifer said slowly. "But when I do, it's not because I think you need fixing. It's that I can't bear to see you suffer and struggle when in the moment it seems so easy to jump in and help."

[betterthanaplan]

Duke breathed slowly and nodded. “I know. Sometimes I know. It’s just — hard to hear it another way right now.”

[my_own_advocate]

Lucifer nodded. "I just wanted to... say that," he said.

[betterthanaplan]

“Okay.” Duke shifted closer. “I’m going to lean against you now, okay?”

[my_own_advocate]

"Okay," Lucifer echoed, shifting his arm to make more space.

[betterthanaplan]

Duke scooted in to press against his side, and leaned his head on his shoulder.

“In case I haven’t said it in a bit: I love you.”

[my_own_advocate]

Lucifer's arm fell around his shoulders, and he pulled Duke in further. "I love you too," he murmured, pressing a kiss to the top of Duke's head.

[betterthanaplan]

“Thanks for putting up with me.”

[my_own_advocate]

Lucifer let out a soft huff, close to a laugh. "Thanks for putting up with me," he said.