The deck of the Cape Rouge, Port of Fandom, Friday morning

[betterthanaplan]

So. Duke's therapist had spent the evening very professionally and kindly ripping Duke a new one over the most recent fight with Octavia. (After professionally and kindly ripping him a new one for not doing therapy for much of the summer he spent in LA.)(

And then he'd said something kind of incredible: "Why didn't either of you use your safe word?"

The answer? Because Duke had forgotten he and Octavia had established one for when they were fighting and got too emotional to reason well. And Duke had fully gotten way too emotional and lost all ability to reason.

He just hoped he hadn't burned their bridges so badly they couldn't reconnect now.

He'd asked Octavia the day before if they could talk today, figuring he'd be able to do so much more clearly after talking to Dr. Shin. And . . . yeah. Sure enough, Duke was thinking much more clearly now. And kind of deeply chagrined at his own behavior.

So now, here he was. He'd made a quick trip to the mainland the night before, after his session, and picked up as much fresh fruit as he could carry along with a few other things. He sat now on the rug he used instead of a yoga mat, the fruit arrayed on a platter in front of him, fussing with a new bracelet around his right wrist.

He just needed his snogon. And some crow to eat.

[for her]

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[okteiviakom]

Octavia had come back late from her own mainland time the night before, and had slipped out again early in the morning, for a quiet walk around the island.

But she was back now.

She could see him on the deck from far away, but didn't call out until she was crossing the gangplank. "Ha yun."

Quiet. Not as cautious outwardly as she felt on the inside.

[betterthanaplan]

Duke offered her a small, hopeful smile, letting go of the bracelet he'd been fiddling with.

"Ha yun," he greeted. He'd been mentally rehearsing what he needed to say for awhile, so naturally instead of saying any of those things, he instead went with an awkward "I brought snacks."

Sir. Don't leave her hanging.

[okteiviakom]

There was no harm in easing into things. Didn't make that much of a difference after their string of awkward days.

"Breakfast?" Octavia asked. Offered? Something like that. She approached the rug, looking over what he had there.

[betterthanaplan]

"Breakfast works," Duke agreed. (She was approaching! That was a good sign. His smile solidified slightly.) "Breakfast, and, uh. Apologies. Many of them. From me to you."

His fingers had found the little charms on his bracelet again, thumb running over and cover the contours of the little metal creatures.

[okteiviakom]

Octavia had just come to a stop near the edge of the rug. Now her gaze flicked from the fruit up to his face.

"Apologies?"

Okay, that came out sounding a little cautious, like she didn't know what to expect.

[betterthanaplan]

Not quite the response he'd been anticipating. But he needed to stop anticipating her reactions anyway, to a certain extent, so . . . okay.

Caution.

He'd earned that.

"I -- backslid," Duke said, looking down at the fruit plate while he looked for the words he'd thought he'd had down pat. (It was a lot easier to get them pat when he wasn't actually facing the consequences -- and emotions -- that came from and with them.) "Like. Really hard. I didn't listen to you." Dr. Shin had said he actually maybe couldn't in the moment, but Duke wasn't quite willing to give himself that much credit just yet. "I should have listened to you. I should have . . . taken a breath and remembered everything we've been through and not thrown you into the middle of an old argument that . . . we've already worked through."

He looked up at her again, finally. Pressing the pad of his thumb against the little metal animals on his wrist.

"I am so sorry."

[okteiviakom]

It was fairly obvious from Octavia's face and her beat of silence that a thing or two came to her and nearly made it out of her mouth, only to get stopped right at last second.

They weren't even bad things. But even with what he was saying now, with how he'd responded to things she'd said during their argument, she was going to take it slow with letting her own thoughts slip. Ease into things.

Start with the simple. With what he'd responded to best.

"I hear you." And: "Thank you."

[betterthanaplan]

Yeah. He knew her well enough to know she was holding things back.

And, with his therapist's help, he'd even realized before starting that she probably would.

He swallowed and nodded, giving her another small smile. (Not a mask-smile. You could tell, in part, by just how small it actually was.)

"Good," he said. He sat up consciously, a very yogi type move, rolling his shoulders back and down and letting his head come up. He let go of his bracelet. "I'd like to listen now. If you're willing. I understand if you're not." What had been her actual words yesterday? He'd done his best to remember them. "I'm ready to hear you."

[okteiviakom]

It drew a small huff out of Octavia. Not derisive, just... something small and soft she didn't manage to hold back.

She sighed, just as softly.

And then sat down on the other end of the rug, across from him, the platter of fruit between them. When she spoke, her voice was gentle, measured. (Still a little more controlled than she tended to be around her partners, but getting there.) "I told you that because I could tell you couldn't." Hear her. Yes, she kind of agreed with his therapist, particularly in hindsight. "Just not enough to not hope that would somehow break through it."

[betterthanaplan]

Duke nodded.

"I'm sorry it didn't."

He was sorry about a lot right now.

He looked down at his new bracelet.

"Do you remember when we gave ourselves a safe word?"

[okteiviakom]

Considering how long it had been, how much had happened, and how strongly the term itself was associated with something they did not talk about...

"... What?"

That was an answer in itself.

[betterthanaplan]

Duke let out a tiny laugh.

"Uh, yeah. That was about my reaction when Dr. Shin brought it up."

He held up his arm, showing the two little otter charms danging from the new bracelet.

"Otters," he said. "That's the word. We picked it to signal to each other that -- even when we argue, we still love each other. And that maybe we need to stop and let ourselves cool down. But we never practiced, we just -- got better for awhile and didn't need it."

He pushed the little charms apart with his thumb, then put them back together to show how they seemed to hold hands.

"I got this last night. To try to help me remember, going forward." He looked back up at her. "I got two, actually. If you want the other set. I think you're actually supposed to split them up, each keep one, but I, uh. Didn't want to separate them."

[okteiviakom]

Octavia held out her hands for his hand. Arm. Something. A closer look.

"Let me see."

She remembered, now. She'd get to that in a second.

[betterthanaplan]

Duke offered her his hand. (So relieved she was asking for it.)

He'd picked a golden set for himself. Most of his other jewelry tended to be in silver or steel tones, but he wanted this one to stick out. He'd gone with the same for the extra set, so they'd match.

[okteiviakom]

Octavia held his hand with one of hers, leaving the other free to prod gently at the otters.

"We forgot all about this," she murmured.

Seemed... symbolic, if you asked her.

[betterthanaplan]

"We did," Duke agreed. (It was a relief to know she had forgotten as completely as he had.) "And we really could have used it this week."

[okteiviakom]

"Yeah," Octavia agreed quietly. Her thumb brushed over his wrist. "We weren't communicating."

Because it didn't count if it didn't land.

"Just trying to."

[betterthanaplan]

"I suspect I was trying to give a speech, actually," Duke said with a grimace. "But -- yes. Exactly."

He was watching her fingers against his wrist now. Shifting his own slightly, carefully, to brush against her.

"Doc Shin ripped me a very professional new one about it."

Dr. Shin would not appreciate that description.

[okteiviakom]

It had started out as a genuine closer look at the otters, but by now, Octavia holding his hand was really just... Well, Octavia holding his hand. Something for her (and him, it seemed) to anchor onto a little bit.

And a physical connection. Easy and small and still meaningful. Skin to skin.

"Did he?" she asked. "How did that feel?"

[betterthanaplan]

"It sucked," Duke admitted. "But I needed it. I was -- stuck. And since he's not, you know, on the front lines, he was a little better able to snap me out of it."

[okteiviakom]

"It's his job," Octavia agreed, absently working a gentle fingertip between the bracelet and his skin. "And I'm glad you talked to him."

Someone with a real chance of breaking through.

[betterthanaplan]

"Me too," Duke said, watching her fingers work. "And I'm sorry I didn't start talking to him again sooner. I might've -- not gotten as stuck."

He had a really bad habit of dropping therapy when he felt okay.

[okteiviakom]

Octavia had a hunch that was the reason, but there had been a lot of assuming and a lack of questions lately, so...

"Why'd you stop?"

[betterthanaplan]

"I felt okay," Duke said. "So . . . I guess I decided I didn't need it."

It sounded dumb when he said it now. To himself, anyway.

[okteiviakom]

Octavia said nothing, but the hand holding his gave it a little squeeze.

Which maybe said something.