The Cape Rouge, Port of Fandom, Friday morning

[betterthanaplan]

Octavia was back. Octavia was home, looking worked over and beat down, and she didn't believe this was real yet, but she was here on his boat, in his bed, and Duke could not figure out how to feel.

He was excited. Elated. Terrified by the glimpses he'd gotten of what had happened to her. Of the seven years she'd apparently spent on the Ground. Of the way she refused to talk about whether this was real or not. Of how hard she slept, once they finished bandaging her feet and got her into bed.

Duke had just lain there most of the night, holding her, then eventually got up to send out some texts. Let their people know she was home.

He didn't sleep. Every time he closed his eyes he was afraid she'd vanish again. There one moment and gone the next. That was how it had happened last time, and it was going to be a long, long time before Duke could trust that it wouldn't happen again.

But for right now, she was back.

Sometime after dawn, as he answered texted questions, everything he was feeling balled up into a wad in his stomach and started forcing its way up his throat, and he had to leave the bedroom. He swung into the bathroom long enough to dry heave a few times, then stumbled his way out onto the deck, where he watched the light bounce off the water and just breathed.

She was home. And he'd promised to put her back together, to love her no matter what condition she came back to him in, just so long as she came back. And Duke kept his promises, so he had to be okay. For her.

[open! Duke is visible on the deck, if not paying much attention to the land. . . .]

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[okteiviakom]

Octavia had slept like the dead, way into the morning. And then, in the seconds between waking up and opening her eyes, she thought she was going to see her chambers -- no, the inside of a tent in the wasteland -- no, the inside of a cryo chamber.

And then she opened her eyes, and didn't know what she was seeing.

She scrambled up to sitting, immediately on high alert. Ready to attack. And then the night came flooding back to her. This was the Cape Rouge, this was Fandom. And she was still her now so it hadn't been a dream.

Seemed like she should've been feeling joy.

But she wasn't sure what she was feeling.

Or what her next move should be.

[betterthanaplan]

Duke would feel terrible for not being right by her when she woke up. For not even leaving a note. But he didn't have any extra magic senses, even when it came to Octavia, and he hadn't really been thinking of anything when he'd left the bedroom other than don't wake her up.

It wasn't too long after she woke that he decided he'd been brooding on the deck long enough and came back down to check on her, at least.

"Tavi." It was the same tone he'd used when he first saw her last night. Wonder and hope and agonized, painful relief. He sat down on the bed, making sure he was in easy reach, but back to not touching her unless she initiated it.

He didn't know what she'd been through the last seven years, but he suspected respecting boundaries and choices hadn't been a high priority.

[okteiviakom]

Octavia had been staring at her bandaged feet, but she looked up at the sound of his voice. She looked tense, and her lips were a thin line as she drew in a deep, deliberate breath through her nose.

She felt uncontrollably alarmed.

[betterthanaplan]

Looked it, too. "Hey, hey," Duke soothed. "You're okay. You're home, remember?"

[okteiviakom]

"I know that," Octavia replied, in what was halfway a snap. Agitated, definitely.

Her hands had balled up into fists at her sides.

[betterthanaplan]

"O -- okay." Duke raised his hands and slid back on the bed a little, giving her space. "Sorry, you looked --" He was pretty sure she wouldn't like the end of that sentence, so he cut it off. "You okay?"

[okteiviakom]

The urge to apologize felt foreign, and Octavia didn't go with it.

Instead, she just said, "No."

'Okay' was an absurd concept. Didn't even know what that meant, anymore.

[betterthanaplan]

"That's -- entirely fair."

Why was it so much easier to deal with broken and quiet Octavia last night? Maybe Lucifer had a point about Duke's supposed white male savior complex after all.

"What do you need?"

[okteiviakom]

Because broken and quiet Octavia hadn't realized he was an entirely separate person, with his own thoughts and emotions and potential for judgment. And this one did.

This Octavia also felt like control had slipped from her hands, and she couldn't handle it. She had to fix it. (She had to try.) So instead of answering, she got off the bed - wincing, briefly, then steeling herself against the pain in her feet - and barreled out of the room.

She wasn't going very far, though.

[betterthanaplan]

". . . Okay," Duke said again, shoving his hands through his hair and wondering if he should chase after her.

He really wanted to chase after her. And also, somehow -- didn't. (At least when she'd been gone, he hadn't been able to screw this up.)

He got up and followed, finally, because really, what else was he going to do? But he kept his distance, kept his hands loose and open at his sides. Made himself a little of a threat as possible.

[okteiviakom]

Octavia wasn't looking back for him, either way. She looked around, the little movements of her head sharp as she took in the layout of the ship. It'd been seven years, it took digging to place things where they were instead of where they were in her fuzzy memories.

But she found the bathroom. Stomped her way over, and went in.

Slammed the door, although she didn't lock it.

[betterthanaplan]

Yeah, that was a pretty clear "leave me alone" sign in Duke's book.

His knees tried to go out, dump him onto the floor right outside the bathroom, but he forced himself to steady. To go back into the galley again instead.

Where he stood, staring blankly at the stove, and trying to think of something useful to do.

[okteiviakom]

For a moment, Octavia stood frozen just inside the door. Then, as she felt her hands threatening to start shaking, she forced herself back into moving. Come on, Octavia. She could peel off the tank top, take off the shorts. Pull the locket on its chain over her head and carefully set it aside.

Every movement felt robotic, but she was still making them.

Then she stepped into the shower. Turned on the water.

[betterthanaplan]

Duke's head jerked up when he heard the shower start.

Right. He'd been planning to suggest one for her, anyway.

It was enough to break him out of his fugue again, though, and he started a pot of coffee, breaking out the Baileys to go with it. Because some situations just demanded day drinking. And caffeine. Lots of caffeine.

He was feeling that sleepless night now.

[okteiviakom]

Octavia hadn't had an actual shower since... Well, since Arkadia. So as the water flowed over her, rinsing some of the grime from her hair and off her skin, it also forced her shoulders to relax, just a little. Showers had always been her favorite luxury on the island, and that was working in its favor now.

But even a little bit of relaxing didn't come without a price. Relaxing meant letting your guard down, and letting your guard down meant things slipping past defenses.

Thoughts, like 'why now?' Could the island have pulled her back whenever in the last seven years slash one month? And if yes, why hadn't it? Why put her through hell only to yank her back once there was so little of her le-- once it was done?

The water would have obscured all noise anyway, but she'd learned a long time ago how to cry quietly.

[betterthanaplan]

The coffee was brewing. The Baileys was set out.

Duke had run out of things to do again.

Should he put on music? Or was that too much? This wasn't a date, he wasn't trying to set a mood or anything. Make food? She'd never answered his question about what she'd missed food-wise, but she'd been too tired. Food it was. Waffles. Or -- was that too rich? Something simple, she probably hadn't had much in the last seven years.

(Seven years. Seven years. In a world like hers that was an eternity. Who even was she anymore? Did she still like the same things? Would she want to go back?)

(did she even love him anymore?)

Fruit. Fruit was simple. Fruit and toast. Maybe some eggs, he'd eat them all if she couldn't. Soft boiled, not fried. Lots of protein, low on grease. Easy on the stomach.

Yeah. Okay. He could do this.

[okteiviakom]

Octavia couldn't do this.

Now that the floodgates had opened, she was feeling a roiling mix of both relief and grief, and the former felt unearned and the latter felt absurd, and both felt like they were crushing her down.

So she crumbled. Turned off the water with a shaky hand and sank down onto the floor, her head in her hands as the tears kept coming.

It had been less than two weeks since men and women of Wonkru had allowed the razor-sharp sandstorm to tear at their backs to shelter her in the desert. And now she was crying on the bathroom floor on a ship on the water.

[betterthanaplan]

Duke looked up when the water turned off, ears on high alert for any indication that she needed him.

He didn't hear anything.

How long should he give her before he gave into the urge to make sure she hadn't, like, slipped and cracked her head open on the tile?

[okteiviakom]

What a fitting end that would've made for the great Blodreina. Not that she was Blodreina anymore.

As of, what? Two days ago.

None of this made any sense.

She was still crying, her hand clamped over her mouth. It was going to be... a while. A really long while. Possibly too long to keep him convinced she hadn't cracked her head open or something.

[betterthanaplan]

Yeah, Duke held out as long as he could. Longer than he would have thought he could. But finally he couldn't take it, images of her unconscious, bleeding out, just gone again flashing through his head. With his heart in his throat, he gave in and went to knock on the bathroom door.

"Octavia? Please let me know you're alive."

[okteiviakom]

Oh.

How long could she stay quiet and try to swallow down the tears enough that her voice wouldn't immediately betray her, before he'd freak out about a lack of answer?

She was trying.

[betterthanaplan]

Not very long. He was already pretty freaked.

He knocked harder. "Tavi? C'mon. I want to give you privacy, love, but you're freaking me out."

[okteiviakom]

A few seconds more of hesitation, of desperate swallowing.

Then: "I'm alive."

Her voice cracked really badly on the second word. Goddammit.

[betterthanaplan]

Duke let his knees give out this time, sliding down the door to sit with a thump.

"Good," he said on a breath. "That's good. We can work with that."

[okteiviakom]

Octavia heard the thump, but it wasn't until she heard his voice come from a significantly lower angle that she realized what had happened.

A part of her wished he'd come in, instead.

A part of her wished he'd left her alone.

"Can we?" she mumbled, wiping fruitlessly at her face, the water still dripping from her hair mixing with the tears.