The Cape Rouge, Port of Fandom, Monday

[betterthanaplan]

Right. So. This morning was a thing that had happened. On the one hand, Octavia seemed ready to talk, finally. On the other, it felt like Duke had just played "swap the important person in your life who's pissed at you".

"I'll make some coffee," Duke said, leading Octavia into the galley. "And . . . breakfast? Maybe?"

[for the girl]

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[okteiviakom]

Octavia's fingers twitched against his hand. Then she went for a squeeze. Right now, every little touch felt bigger than they were.

"I should have, too."

[betterthanaplan]

Duke shook his head. "You thought I kicked you out. I wouldn't have tried to call back after that."

[okteiviakom]

Octavia hummed vaguely, because she couldn't really argue with that. She hadn't wanted to call him, not after that.

"You saw the worst of what I think about myself," she muttered.

That she'd shoved it all onto an imagined version of Pike didn't mean it wasn't all really straight from her.

[betterthanaplan]

Duke studied her for a long moment.

"I also saw you stand up and fight back."

You know, when he wasn't busy hiding his head and trying not to throw up.

[okteiviakom]

Octavia's voice didn't get any clearer. Nor did she look up.

"Didn't think you saw that part."

His reaction certainly hadn't given that away.

[betterthanaplan]

"I was kind of trying not to by that point," Duke confessed. "And I didn't really realize what it was until . . . kind of just now."

[okteiviakom]

Octavia kept looking at their hands. "I can't actually separate me from her," she said, flat again. She'd thought a lot about that whole hallucination, about what it said. What it meant. "There was never a her."

[betterthanaplan]

“No,” Duke agreed. “But you’re not the same you you were when you were her, are you?”

[okteiviakom]

"How could I be?"

The question was mild and rhetorical. She had people here, in the way she hadn't for years before her return.

"People want something different from me here."

[betterthanaplan]

"What do you want from you?"

[okteiviakom]

Finally, Octavia looked up at him again. Her eyes looked tired, and a little helpless.

"I don't know," she admitted. Chewed on her lip again. "I'm not... anything, right now."

[betterthanaplan]

Duke held her gaze and nodded once, giving her a tiny smile.

"Okay."

[okteiviakom]

Octavia didn't look away this time.

"No clan," she said. It sounded like a resigned afterthought. A hurt she was too tired to feel.

[betterthanaplan]

"Nope," Duke agreed. "Doesn't mean you're alone, though."

[okteiviakom]

"No," Octavia agreed. There was a hand around hers that said so. (A tattoo around her leg that whispered the same.) "But there's no Fandomkru, Duke."

Or if there was, she wasn't in it. Not really.

[betterthanaplan]

Duke swallowed and nodded. "Okay. You know I made that up for you, right? If you don't need it that's fine."

He was a little disappointed, but this wasn't about him.

[okteiviakom]

Octavia bristled a little. Said nothing - of course - but her fingers tensed in his grasp.

Same with the set of her jaw.

[betterthanaplan]

Shit. Was he supposed to have insisted?

"Tavi. Hey. Talk to me, please."

[okteiviakom]

Octavia took a slow, deliberate breath through her nose. On the exhale, she forced her fingers to relax.

Then her jaw, too.

"'You know I made that up for you'," she said. "I'm not a kid, Duke."

[betterthanaplan]

“I know you’re not,” Duke said. “I just meant — we don’t need Fandomkru to be a team. A family.”

[okteiviakom]

"Then you should have said that," Octavia replied.

But, her voice was a lot softer now.

[betterthanaplan]

Duke dragged his free hand down his face. “Yeah. Sorry.”

[okteiviakom]

"Being in a kru means something to me." It meant everything to her. Or at least it had in the past. "I don't want one that feels fake."

When they'd been Floukru, that had always felt real.

(Until she'd ruined it.)

[betterthanaplan]

"Yeah, I know that," Duke said, unable to keep a bite out of his tone. He was frustrated, and annoyed at himself for being frustrated when he knew he was the bad guy here.

He was always the bad guy.

[okteiviakom]

This whole morning was just a series of wrong moves one after another, wasn't it? Octavia pulled her hand back, and straightened up from her slight lean towards him. And then got up altogether.

She hadn't touched anything in front of her.

"I'm gonna go take a shower."