The Fin & Tonic, the Bahamas, Wednesday morning

[betterthanaplan]

Duke woke unnaturally early this morning. Before dawn early. He lay in bed, staring at the still unfamiliar ceiling of the Fin & Tonic's captain's cabin, and waited to feel tired again. Tried closing his eyes and counting his breaths, meditating himself to sleep, but it was no good. Eventually he extracted himself from his partners, careful not to jostle them into waking (this was easy with Lucifer, who would stubbornly sleep through most things, but much, much harder with Octavia, who would wake up if you blinked too hard), and headed up onto the deck to watch the sunrise.

He was 35 today. Ish. Well, it was his 35th birthday anyway, all time travel silliness aside. It was older than he'd ever thought he'd be when he was growing up, but so much younger than it should be, for all the crap he'd gone through. But he was here, in his favorite part of the world, with his two favorite people in the multiverse here to celebrate with him. He should be happy. (He was happy. His happiness was just more complicated than he wanted it to be.)

Because the two on the boat with him weren't his only favorite people. And he still didn't know if the others were alive or dead. If Audrey had been erased by the barn and overwritten, or thrown from it like he was and lost somewhere, confused and hurting. If Nathan had bled out from his wounds on that bluff, or smashed by a meteor, or somehow, impossibly, survived. If Haven, his Haven, with his Dwight and his Teagues brothers, and his Gloria, even still existed.

He was 35. In paradise. With people he loved and who loved him.

And he didn't deserve it.

[for them who are on the trip with him, and phone calls if anyone wants to call]

Comments

[my_own_advocate]

Predictably, Lucifer had slept right through Duke's departure, and while he was personally feeling a 'complicated kind of happy' almost constantly, that wasn't actually much on his mind today. He pulled on his robe and walked onto the deck like he had all the time in the world.

And spotted Duke standing there, staring at the horizon.

He made an amused noise.

"Look, Duke," he teased, putting on a solemn voice. "Everything the light touches is our kingdom."

[betterthanaplan]

Duke dropped his head with a snort and glanced back at him.

“That might be the dorkiest thing you’ve ever said.”

[my_own_advocate]

"No, it was a well-placed pop culture reference," Lucifer sighed.

And Duke didn't know how well-placed, yet!

"Please tell me you're not brooding on your birthday."

[betterthanaplan]

“I would, but I try not to lie to you.” Duke shrugged. “Birthdays are . . . complicated.”

[my_own_advocate]

"How on Earth are they complicated?" asked the angel who didn't have one as he approached Duke.

[betterthanaplan]

"Right," Duke said with a sigh. "You don't even have one. How would you know?" He gestured out at the water. "I don't know, there's the whole . . . 'taking stock of the year' thing from New Years, combined with an extra dose of 'I'm mortal and my time here is limited' existential angst heaped on top."

There, that was a nice general explanation that didn't require him coping to missing Haven.

[my_own_advocate]

"You know most humans somehow manage to have a good time in spite of that," Lucifer said lightly.

He slid an arm around Duke's waist as soon as he was near.

[betterthanaplan]

Duke leaned into him a little.

"I'm having a good time," he said. "I'm in a gorgeous place with gorgeous people who want to spend time with me and make me happy. How could I be unhappy on a day like that?"

Yeah, brain? How?

[my_own_advocate]

"And yet you're brooding," Lucifer observed.

[betterthanaplan]

"I know," Duke said on a sigh. "Trust me, it's pissing me off, too."

[my_own_advocate]

"I never said I was pissed off," Lucifer pointed out. "Is this really just about the passing of time?"

[betterthanaplan]

"No," Duke said quietly. "But if I tell you what it is about, you really will be pissed off."

Lucifer hadn't exactly kept his opinion about Haven and Audrey to himself, after all.

[my_own_advocate]

"It's Haven again, isn't it."

It always bloody was, wasn't it?

Lucifer blew out a breath.

"Right," he said, "Clearly I need to distract you better."

[okteiviakom]

Had Octavia freaked out a little to wake up on a trip and find Duke not there?

Maybe a little.

Would she make any mention of that to anyone?

Absolutely not.

No one seemed to have made coffee yet, so that was how she started her day. Eventually, she showed up on deck carrying two mugs. "Ha yun, jaka."

[betterthanaplan]

Duke nodded and gave her a tiny smile. "Ha yun, gona."

He'd feel terrible about that reaction if he found out about it. Or thought about it long enough to realize what she must've felt.

"It's going to be a nice day."

[okteiviakom]

Octavia held one of the mugs out for him as soon as she got close enough to.

"Coffee?"

[betterthanaplan]

"Mochof." Duke took the mug and took a small sip, still watching her. "Didn't wake you this morning, did I?"

It was still morning. But he'd been up for awhile.

[okteiviakom]

Octavia shook her head, but just barely. "No."

Probably would have been better if he had, but she would not be telling him that. Instead, she tilted her head a little. "So, how do you feel, old man?"

[betterthanaplan]

Duke winced and laughed. "Not old," he said. "Which is just fine with me. Been there, done that, have the nightmares to prove it." He shrugged, then looked over the water. "Just . . . taking stock, I guess."

[okteiviakom]

Octavia's gaze fell reflexively to the mug in her own hands.

"Sorry," she said. "Didn't mean it like that."

[betterthanaplan]

Duke shifted his mug into one hand and offered the other to her. "I know."

[okteiviakom]

Octavia did the same, taking his hand. Giving it a little squeeze.

Hazarding a faintly wry look up at him. "It was still kind of dumb." And she wanted this to be a good day for him. Or at least not to add to how complicated it might have been for him. "That's all."

[betterthanaplan]

Duke nodded, squeezing her hand back. "It wasn't a bad reminder," he assured her. "I promise."

[okteiviakom]

Octavia swallowed all her arguments.

"And how is your 'taking stock' going?"

[betterthanaplan]

Duke took a long breath and let it out, looking back out over the water.

"It feels weird," he said honestly. "To be celebrating. I'm another year older, but -- so many of my people might not be, you know?"

He figured she'd get it. Viscerally. Maybe even have advice for how to deal.