The deck of the Cape Rouge, Port of Fandom, Sunday evening

[betterthanaplan]

Whelp, another Parents Weekend had gone by, and for once, Duke hadn't had any guests arrive, surprise- or no. And for all that talking to Octavia about the disappointment of that had been meant to help him push past that feeling -- that was how this was supposed to work, right? -- he still found himself staring moodily out at the water by Sunday evening, watching the light of the sunset scatter across the swells and waves.

It was beautiful. Even after all his talk today with Linda about emotions and how little control people actually had over them, he was kind of annoyed at himself that he wasn't more in the mood to appreciate that fact, right now.

[expecting one!]

Comments

[betterthanaplan]

“Yeah,” Duke said, looking away. “Wasn’t long after that we went to Haven for Audrey’s birthday, and uh. We’ve got kind of a, uh, flirty energy. Which Octavia didn’t like. And then when We tried to talk about not being monogamous I kinda leaned into the whole ‘missing being with guys’ thing to, I don’t know. Soften the blow I guess? I mean. I know you remember how I fucked that whole thing up.”

[my_own_advocate]

"Vividly," Lucifer agreed. He sipped his wine. "So you made her believe there was a risk you'd start sleeping with Audrey."

What a fun little extra detail to that whole mess.

[betterthanaplan]

“I tried to avoid making her believe that,” Duke said. “And . . . failed, yeah.”

[my_own_advocate]

"By flirting with Audrey in front of her," Lucifer said. "Not necessarily the best plan you've ever had."

In a hypothetical situation that no one would clearly ever be stupid enough to inflict on him, Lucifer certainly would have freaked out himself if Duke had done anything to imply to anyone they weren't together, especially in the early days.

[betterthanaplan]

“Not on purpose! Audrey started it and I just kind of . . . matched her energy. It’s just how our friendship works.”

[my_own_advocate]

Lucifer sighed.

"Well, I'm the last person who's allowed to take you to task for having feelings for people in your own universe," he said. "But I would have been a bit put off as well."

[betterthanaplan]

"Yeah. That's, uh. That's fair."

Duke was just going to neither confirm or deny the actual feelings he had for people in his universe right now.

"Anyway. We eventually worked it out. Some of it, at least. It's probably still best that I just. Not talk to her about Audrey anymore."

[my_own_advocate]

"Or perhaps put in a bit of work to make sure she knows you're not about to jump into Audrey's arms and make out with her, if she comes walking alive through a portal tomorrow," Lucifer said.

Because Duke wasn't, right?

[betterthanaplan]

"I mean, I'm not going to pretend I won't hug her. But making out is off the table."

Because she was in love with Nathan. Which didn't seem to be helpful to point out to Octavia right now.

[my_own_advocate]

"Fairly big difference between those two concepts," Lucifer said.

He hadn't realized he'd tensed just a little bit during that last question, but he did now that he relaxed.

[betterthanaplan]

"I wouldn't trade you two for hte world," Duke said. "I'm sorry if I haven't always made that clear enough."

[my_own_advocate]

"Choosing can be... difficult," Lucifer said. He cleared his throat. "I of all people understand that."

[betterthanaplan]

"What decided it for you?" Duke asked. "That you'd rather be here with us instead of back there with Chloe?"

[my_own_advocate]

"Honestly, when I thought I didn't have the capacity for love, it... suddenly seemed like a practical thing," Lucifer said. "Because at least I was already giving the two of you all I could. If there wasn't any difference in my feelings between you and her, then... sticking with the people I had already made a commitment to seemed fair. Then, in the Silver City, I realized I could love, and..."

He brought up his wine and took a sip. He looked thoughtful.

Or like he was getting his thoughts in order.

[betterthanaplan]

Duke bit his lip to keep silent as he waited, sticking with just giving Lucifer a gentle squeeze.

[my_own_advocate]

"When I gave her my ring, I... realized I am the person she made me," Lucifer said slowly. "And, a moment later, that I built the person you made me on top of that. That I've... grown, and while I still love her, she..."

He stared at the water.

"The two of you gave me a home and never closed the door in my face," he said. "You made space for me at every turn. I feel safe here in a way I've never felt before. And... you remember what we talked about? The white picket fences?"

[betterthanaplan]

"That they're her idea of a good life. Not yours."

[my_own_advocate]

"I still like to think I could have lived her life," Lucifer said.

He didn't lie, after all.

"But I know I'm happy living yours," he said. He wasn't looking at Duke, but he smiled gently to himself. "Watching you potter around the ship, always trying to make home just a bit better, insisting on finding ways to live with all the pests that made your boat their home, too. Singing songs and making dinner with you and letting you drag me out oystering and you getting that absolutely bonkers look on your face like it's the best thing you've ever done, right before you slurp down a raw one."

Sorry, Duke. He loved you a lot.

[betterthanaplan]

Duke chuckled. "So you love it when I horrify you on purpose," he said. "That's good to know."

[my_own_advocate]

Lucifer sighed loudly.

"My point is," he said, "I realized I had a good thing. Something I could be happy with for good."

[betterthanaplan]

"Good," Duke said. "Because I'm happy with your fancy clothes. Your hatred of plaid. The way you make any space you're in your own."

He leaned in to kiss Lucifer on the cheek.

"Your refusal to deny yourself the things that make you happy, at least when you're not being swallowed up by your insecurities."

[my_own_advocate]

Lucifer smiled, leaning further into him. "I do still love her," he said. "But I had to make a choice, putting it off just... made me more miserable. Now that I have, I'm at peace with it." He took a breath. "With you. And your plaid."

[betterthanaplan]

"Well, everyone has flaws," Duke said. ". . . I still love Audrey and Nathan. But I'd much rather be here, too."

He just wanted to know they were out there somewhere being them.

[my_own_advocate]

"And that's all we need to know," Lucifer murmured. "As Linda keeps reminding me, trying to control other people's feelings is useless."

Not that it had ever stopped Lucifer from trying to shout them into compliance, but, well. Baby steps.

[betterthanaplan]

"And what they feel isn't your fault," Duke agreed.

Not that that stopped him from trying to take the blame.