The Cape Rouge, Port of Fandom, Saturday morning

[betterthanaplan]

Duke woke to the gentle rocking of a boat at sea. In most worlds, this was a perfectly normal way for him to wake up.

Not in the one that this Duke came from.

He sat up sharply, looking around. He was in what looked like a fairly well-appointed room, in the middle of a giant bed, between two other people.

"Dammit. I thought I got past this prank crap when I got out of the Academy."

[for the other two in the bed. Duke is now Detective Duke Crocker, from the trouble free AU in 4x10, "The Trouble With Troubles"]

Comments

[okteiviakom]

Vanessa woke up with a start, instantly alarmed as she scrambled to sit up, trying to get her bearings.

"Wh-- what the hell is this?" she demanded, metal fingers extending into claws.

Oh yeah, her arms looked like they were either covered in extremely well-fitting metal armor - or just straight-up made of metal.

[my_own_advocate]

Was Lucifer truly the only person here who'd woken up in two strangers' bed in a strange place before? He opened one eye and blinked - okay, not his usual crowd - then closed that eye again.

"I don't know what time it is, but it's clearly too early to have a conversation," he said. "Go back to sleep."

[betterthanaplan]

"Yeah, I don't think so, asshole," Duke said. The . . . armored woman . . . was clearly as freaked as he was, which meant that the calm one was likely the perpetrator. "You know, kidnapping a cop? Not your best plan."

[okteiviakom]

A cop? It was probably not Vanessa's best idea to just spring out of bed at that reveal, but then again... Her wings unfurled: several feet of knife-sharp metal feathers.

No cops or kidnappers would trap her here.

"Won't stay kidnapped long," she growled.

[my_own_advocate]

"Why on Earth would I kidnap either of you to a strange bed in a strange home and fall asleep next to you, instead of tying you up or something?" Lucifer asked.

He half turned, and fuzzily took in whatever Vanessa was.

"Oh, put those away. They're gaudy."

[betterthanaplan]

So this guy wasn't in on it. Duke would get to questioning him properly in a moment, right now he as dealing with the giant metal wings this cosplayer chick was wearing.

"Watch where you point those things!" he said, looking around for something he could use to protect himself.

And . . . clothes. Clothes would be nice, too. How come he and the dude woke up naked but this woman was fully armored?

[okteiviakom]

Because she'd voluntarily turned her life into body horror and all that stuff was implanted directly into her! Fun.

"Don't get in my way and you won't have to worry."

Sorry to regular Duke about the scratches on the wall, though.

[my_own_advocate]

"Don't be so dramatic," Lucifer said, leaning over to grope for the whiskey bottle someone had thoughtfully left on the night stand.

One moment you were going to bed with sweet dreams of a former actress-turned-police-academy-trainee you'd just met, the next you woke up somewhere like--

"Oh. I know what this is. My Father's sense of humor, again."

[betterthanaplan]

"Who the hell is your dad?!" Duke asked. "And why is there a gun taped to the side of this nightstand?"

[okteiviakom]

... And Vanessa was leaving.

Literally just barreling for the door without another word.

[my_own_advocate]

"Bye bye," Lucifer called after her.

He took a big gulp from the bottle.

"My Father is the big man, obviously. And a controlling arsehole."

[betterthanaplan]

"The Big Man," Duke said. Right. Figured this would be a mob thing. "And you're his philandering playboy son, I assume."

[my_own_advocate]

"Close enough," Lucifer said brightly. He looked at Duke. "Are you going to storm off as well? Because if we're going to be naked in bed together, we might as well make the most of it."

Luce.

[betterthanaplan]

Duke opened his mouth. Closed it.

He was tempted. This guy was extremely attractive, after all.

"I shouldn't," he said finally. "Someone's gotta figure out what the hell is going on here."

[my_own_advocate]

"You could always do that in an hour," Lucifer said merrily, raising his eyebrows and smirking at him.

[betterthanaplan]

"Trail could be cold by then." Duke looked around the little room, then finally found a pair of pants and shirt that looked like they might fit. The ones that didn't look like they came from a church donation bin, thank you, he had an image to maintain. His ponytail was his one nod to lack of protocol. "Just -- stay there and don't touch anything, okay? I'm going to go find the local station and see if they can send anyone out to dust this place for prints."

[my_own_advocate]

Lucifer snorted. "Why would I stay here?" he said.

[betterthanaplan]

"Well, we could try the honor system," Duke said. "Orrrr . . . it looks like your dad's boat here comes with cuffs." He pulled a pair -- fluffy, but sturdy looking -- from the closet where he'd been looking for a jacket. "Up to you."

[my_own_advocate]

"Darling, you'd never keep me in those for more than a minute, unless you changed your mind and decided to stay and play," Lucifer said pleasantly.

He sat forward.

"But you don't really want to go running around playing cop, do you? I mean... what is it you truly desire?"

Nothing against his favorite ex-actress or her chosen career path. But fucking with most cops was fun.

[betterthanaplan]

Duke blinked. Frowned. Intended to tell the man off, but instead, his honest answer came spilling out of him.

"I -- always wanted to live on a boat. Explore the world." He blinked again, frowning harder. "I've never told anyone that before."

It was stupid, especially when he had a perfectly good job handed to him by his father at Haven PD.

[my_own_advocate]

Lucifer had snagged a glass off the night stand by now, and was filling it with copious amounts of whiskey.

"Why not?" he said. "Either the telling or the doing?"

[betterthanaplan]

"Because it's stupid," Duke said. "I'm not some vagabond or trustafarian. My family have been Haven PD for generations."

[my_own_advocate]

"Honestly? That sounds dreadful," Lucifer said, taking a sip. "I mean, I'm not saying I get the 'boat' thing, but... you're really willing to give up freedom just to wear a uniform and... what is it you do, exactly?"

[betterthanaplan]

"Honestly? Mostly look pretty with a badge so the rich yuppies who come in sightseeing feel safe." He sighed. "Haven's the safest town in all of Maine."

[my_own_advocate]

"That doesn't sound very satisfying," Lucifer opined. "You know if this boat is my Father's, He's not going to come looking for it again."

[betterthanaplan]

"Ha, yeah, I am not running off with a mob boss's boat," Duke said. He found a badge in the closet along with a pile of stolen passports. It was Haven PD, alright, but not his badge number. "Who the fuck is 'Wuornos'?"

[my_own_advocate]

"He's not a mob boss," Lucifer said, sitting up in the bed.

He was making absolutely no effort to obscure anything, no. He was naked, Duke could deal.

[betterthanaplan]

Duke couldn't help but treat himself to an eyeful before looking away.

To keep searching for clues, shut up.

"You called him 'the Big Man'. Sounds like a mob boss to me."

[my_own_advocate]

"A bit bigger than that, I assure you," Lucifer said, watching Duke move about with amusement in his eyes. "My name is Lucifer, by the way."

[betterthanaplan]

Duke snorted. "Sure it is."

[my_own_advocate]

"Lucifer Morningstar," he said, with amusement in his voice. "If you have a problem with it, speak to my father."

[betterthanaplan]

"You know what? Sure. Where's he hang out, then?"

[my_own_advocate]

"Upstairs, obviously."

[betterthanaplan]

"What, he's got a private cabin on the upper deck?"

[my_own_advocate]

"A bit higher than that," Lucifer said, sipping his drink. "Honestly, you don't even want to be a police officer, why go through all this trouble?"

[betterthanaplan]

"Because I woke up naked in a place that I did not fall asleep. I'd kind of like more of an explanation than 'act of god'."

[my_own_advocate]

"Oh, you're going to spend your life so disappointed," Lucifer sighed.

[betterthanaplan]

"Because I don't take kindly to getting kidnapped??"

[my_own_advocate]

"Because Father doesn't bother with explanations most of the time," Lucifer said. "He just likes watching you humans scurry around in mystery."

[betterthanaplan]

"I find most mysteries can be explained perfectly well without bringing any sort of god into it."

[my_own_advocate]

"Of course you think that. You're human," Lucifer said, taking another big sip of his drink. "But if you'd rather waste your time searching for answers to something that doesn't make sense instead of having fun, be my guest."

He glanced past Duke towards where their other friend had gone. "I think I'll take some booze on my way out after you leave."

[betterthanaplan]

Duke squeezed his eyes shut and sighed. "I'm just . . . going to pretend you didn't just basically tell me you're going to commit a crime on your way out of this crime scene."

[my_own_advocate]

"You're welcome to actually try and cuff me if it'll make you feel better," Lucifer said, amused.