The galley of the Cape Rouge, Thursday evening

[betterthanaplan]

Duke had had some time since his last therapist appointment to start slowly processing what his therapist had said. Specifically what the man had said about what he believed was the foundation of Duke's issues. A diagnosis if you will.

Which Duke had finally made time to look up and read about after getting home from the diner. And mull over over a cup of tea.

Sure, it wasn't the first time someone had suggested that he had PTSD. He'd kind of just assumed he had that, by now. But C-PTSD. The complex version. The one most associated with survivors of hostage situations or child abuse.

He sipped his tea and stared into space. And wished it didn't make as much sense to him as it did. Wished he didn't check off quite as many of the usual symptoms as he did.

"Fuck."

[for the partners if they wanna]

Comments

[betterthanaplan]

"I'm crazy. Bonkers. An absolute nutso." Duke, stop. "Dr. Shin figured out what's wrong with me."

[okteiviakom]

"I don't... think he's supposed to tell you that in those words," Octavia hazarded.

A little bit of something gentle mixing in with the still-present confusion.

"Also pretty sure that's not true."

[betterthanaplan]

"I looked up the symptoms and it seems pretty true," Duke said. "But, yeah, Dr. Shin would definitely not approve of my description."

[okteiviakom]

"So... what's going on?" Octavia asked as she stepped up to him. "Start from the beginning."

[betterthanaplan]

"I have a diagnosis," Duke said. "And I don't know what to think about it. Which . . . might be a symptom of what I've been diagnosed with."

Being unable to identify his emotions was a type of emotional dysregulation, right? Or maybe it was part of depersonalization?

He should not have read that wiki.

[okteiviakom]

"Right," Octavia replied, slowly. "Is it going to help me understand anything if I ask what it is?"

Because, you know. She already lived with him. A lot of the ways whatever it was presented itself, she was probably already very familiar with.

[betterthanaplan]

"No idea," Duke said with a shrug. "Worth a shot, I guess." He took a deliberate breath. "Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. For when regular PTSD just won't cut it. Symptoms include hyper-vigilance, depression, anxiety, avoidant behaviors, and oh yeah, our personal favorite, an inability to properly direct anger."

That was not how that was generally phrased. Though it wasn't inaccurate for him at the moment.

[okteiviakom]

"Wow," Octavia said, more in the face of getting a list than anything else. "Did he give you a pamphlet or something?"

Or had he been stress-reading things online?

[betterthanaplan]

“I googled,” Duke said. “It’s . . . apt.”

[okteiviakom]

"I mean, I assume your therapist is a professional."

He better be, lest the guy find himself in deep shit with Octavia.

"So it should fit."

[betterthanaplan]

“Linda recommended him,” Duke said. “So yeah. He works in a clinic and everything.”

Duke took a portal to California to see him!

[okteiviakom]

And Octavia thought portaling to New York for hers was a long way to go.

She nodded. "Okay, good. So he's the real deal."

[betterthanaplan]

“He’s the real deal,” Duke agreed. “And C-PTSD is apparently common in folks who go through prolonged trauma they couldn’t escape.”

So . . . basically all three of them
Might qualify.

[okteiviakom]

Octavia just nodded, because yeah, that sounded about right.

(Also she may or may not have already had a diagnosis on file in Dr. Baker's papers. She had never been very diagnosis driven.)

"So now that he's figured that one out," she replied, "I assume now he'll have a plan for how to work with you on it?"

[betterthanaplan]

"Sounds like," Duke agreed. "We haven't gone into a lot of detail, yet. He wanted me to process the diagnosis first." Which he was doing so well at! "Step one is about establishing safety, though, which . . . I mean, with Haven? Kind of hard."

[okteiviakom]

"Yeah," Octavia agreed, with a a half-suppressed sigh. "But we can work on it."

How? She wasn't sure, considering how randomly abusive Haven had been over the years.

[betterthanaplan]

"Knowing you two have my back helps," Duke said, reaching for her hand. "The rest . . . we can work on."

[okteiviakom]

Octavia took his hand and gave it a squeeze.

"Exactly," she said. "Together."

[betterthanaplan]

"Has Luce talked to you about maybe going to the Bahamas soon?" Duke asked, not entirely changing the subject.

[okteiviakom]

Octavia nodded. "Yeah, he did," she said.

Considered what sort of concerns he might have about it.

Added, "I'm okay with it. I'm on board."

[betterthanaplan]

Duke nodded. “Good. I think it’ll be good for us.” He gave her a small smile. “I might . . . I kind of want to sail there on the OceaNyx. And meet you two there.”

That was the part he was really worried about their reactions to.

[okteiviakom]

With good reason.

"... What? Why?"

[betterthanaplan]

“I think a couple of days on the water alone might help me . . . work through some stuff. Without you two getting hit by the crossfire. The boat’s in good shape, and you know I can sail. I can set out and you two can catch a portal later.”

[okteiviakom]

Octavia... really didn't know what to say to that.

Opened her mouth. Closed it again.

[betterthanaplan]

This was frequently when things went sideways. So while Duke tensed, he took a breath.

“Okay, I don’t want to assume. What, uh. What are you thinking?”